Non-stop rain.

I had to withdraw from a class this week, which was not an easy decision to make. For me, not doing the most is similar to not doing anything at all. I feel that being busy keeps me on schedule and forces me to not be lazy. It is a messed up way of thinking. However, by doing the most, I create more stress. It’s a horrible cycle.

Deciding to withdraw, helped me. I felt relief when I signed my withdrawal request–it was almost immediate. It made me realize that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was before withdrawing. I shouldn’t feel like a class is suffocating me or that there aren’t enough hours in a day. No one should ever feel like that. It isn’t good mentally or physically. These past few months I have been receiving a ton of comments along the subject of weight. I hadn’t realized that I had lost weight. I’ve had a constant weight for the past four years so to hear people making these comments was alarming. I knew that I hadn’t been exercising nor had I changed my diet. Everyone spoke of the weight loss like it was a great thing, but I didn’t. I knew that the only reason for the weight loss was my stress.

Everyone spoke of the weight loss like it was a great thing, but I didn’t. I knew that the only reason for the weight loss was my stress. It was the first time that I had ever seen a physical effect from my stress/anxiety. Although I had been wanting to shed some pounds, I didn’t want it to happen in this matter. I didn’t feel healthy about the weight loss, moreover proud. I felt the complete opposite. My body felt physically weak and I felt emotionally drained.

Having this realization led to one of my new year resolution (which have held up): to eat at least three meals every day. It was definitely hard to get the hang of but I’ve done the best that I can. I make sure I have something for breakfast. I usually only have time to eat breakfast on the go so I opt for a banana. Lunch gets tricky because I tend to be on campus until the evening. If I can, I will eat a sandwich or soup. Dinner tends to be anything easy to make or leftovers. Although it isn’t the best setup, it has been working for me. I tend to snack a lot so I am never truly hungry. Additionally, I am enrolled in a yoga class so I feel stronger. The changes aren’t big nor will there be an immediate effect on my body–and that is okay. I feel better about my weight loss now and that is all I wanted. I just wanted to be a bit more confident in myself…and I am.

All I can say is be the best you.

-L.L.

 

 

 

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